Walking by Faith

Dear Heavenly Father

I get it. I understand that You allow things to happen to those whom You love, but I really need You right now. I am, what I would estimate as being completely broken. I feel as though I am at my last straw. I know You put on us only what we can handle but it feels as though I will break at any minute. I have faith in You. I believe in You, but I see so much going on around me and I can’t get my heart rapped around what is in my head. I can quote those Scriptures to myself as well as others but it is beginning to be hard to keep them true in my own eyes. I don’t feel the need to pastor a church anymore, I don’t feel the need to be some kind of teacher anymore, I just want to feel that You are there. I know You are but that is getting hard to keep in my mind. The cares of this world, the debt, the finances, the responsibility, all these things are weighing heavily on my shoulders. I don’t rely on these things but at the same time I I I am responsible for them and I know that. I am not trying to blame You for my situation. I am not trying to whine my way out of what I am responsible for but I am just asking for a little reminder. Just one small glimpse of hope because I have lost all hope tonight. I have nothing left to cling to but I am leading my family in a time where I feel like I am not worthy to be given such a wonderful task and that scares me. I know what You have called me to do but it has not and does not seem to be something that is going to work out. I fear so much that what I have done previously has been forgiven but that I have somehow disqualified myself like King David with the Temple. My family does not deserve to suffer from my shortcomings but that is only my opinion and I really have no say so on the matter. I can’t cause time to stop, I can’t stop things from happening. I don’t believe that You have abandoned me but I do wonder what is going on. So if I am not learning something, and walking around in this wilderness over and over then please SCREAM it out to me. You know me. You know how I learn and how I get caught up in things. If I am not listening, please get my attention. Please speak to me. Please let me know where and what I am doing or not doing. I denounce any sin in my life and I only ask for the one thing that you desire from me……LOVE

Your son