I have had one of those clearing moments today. Well that is the only word that I can use to describe it. It seems that the more I ponder the things that I have been doing and focusing on, regarless of how well intentioned they are, the further away from my goal I have wandered.
My goal is to be like Christ.
Well DUH!!! I can hear you now. Not a real shocker there is it and I am sure the exact same thing that you are striving for. The problem that I am having may or may not be similar to yours dear reader and that is the whole purpose of this blog thing. I am hoping to get what is going on in my head out there so that I can deal with whatever it is that is hindering me. So I hope tha,t if you have wandered by and you have been intrigued by the mindless rambling that you hear and stopped to listen, I hope that you look past my bad grammar and I sincerely hope that you don’t think that I am whinning. Yes everyone has problems but this seems to be a very good way for people to air their problems and honestly this seems like a great way for me to deal with mine. I want them out there because I can see them and put words to them and then they can’t hurt or hinder my walk with Christ.
I really know what my first problem is and sadly this has been probably the biggest problem for me. I guess you do get hindered right out of the gate when you start with a problem.
1) I don’t really have a church home. I have hopped back and forth, trying each different one in hopes that I can find a denomination that I can tolerate. I think I might be too picky. Don’t get me wrong, I know that people are different and I know that I won’t agree with everyone all of the time but where do we draw the line. What do we tolerate? Do we let the small things go so that we can be in fellowship? Do we set through the Purpose Driven Life stuff and the programs that are created instead of Bible studies from the Bible so that the people who surround us will eventually accept us into the fold so to speak?
2) I am way too prideful. I started this blog because I actually thought that I had some studies worth looking at. I have attended churches because I saw the opportunity to speak or teach down the road. Do you notice that Jesus was never mentioned in the above sentenses. It wouldn’t be pride then would it? I never see what I can do for others or what He can do through me? Maybe this is the reason why I have not been at a church long enough to teach or become a minister. Wonder if that is forsaking the assembly? I pray about it and I try to focus on others but it always creeps up and I catch myself acting that way. It is a very sneaky thing.
3) I am too self-centered. The more I ponder it the more I don’t like myself or my actions. The more I wonder why I am reading the Bible, why I am studying because if it is not simply about CHrist then it is useless. I want to decrease so that He can increase. I want to let God be God in my life. He has taught me to let go of many things, Each time I come to a new one and I think “This has to be the last stronghold!” and yet when one is done, I find another one. He is slowly revealing the funk and nast in my life and I am very very happy with that. I must decrease and He must increase and I pray what John the Baptist did but I really think that He wants me more for me because He created me. John did decrease but he still did his thing at the same time while Jesus was increasing. I just don’t always know where I stop and where He starts. Where do I let go and let God be God and where does He expect me to do my part? Do I keep looking or do I start a new place for fellowship?
You don’t have to answer these question, I am just throwing them out there?
and hey it does feel a little better now. What do ya know